Ask Monica: Does Size Really Matter?

Dear Men,

Young men, old men, gay men, straight men, bisexual men, transgender men of all ages and ethnicities, we have a problem. Every day, I come into my office at Your Fancy to open comments, e-mails, and social media channels, and what do I see? 

Subject: Toys for Small Penis 

Subject: RE: How small is too small?


In all honesty, this is exhausting. So, I’m here to put this entire issue to bed once and for all. Allow me to open with a little controversy: Men, size does NOT matter. 

‘But Monica, how can you say that?!’ Well, are there those who vehemently disagree with me? Absolutely! There is undoubtedly a safe and accepting space for size queens, individuals who practice cock/size worship, and people who love dick humiliation. This post is not meant to kink shame in any way, and frankly, this letter isn’t for those people anyways. This is for everyone else: the 36-year-old dad with the growing paunch and an impending midlife crisis, the 18-year-old high school virgin, the 85-year-old man dating for the first time in 47 years and everyone in between. 

Let’s get real here for a second, guys, and let me share a 100% true story with you. Recently, I connected with this awesome guy on Tinder. After chatting for a while, he took me out, things were going well, and we went back to his place. As we were getting down to it, he stopped me and warned me that he’s smaller than average, but not to worry, he would still make sure I was completely satisfied. Imagine my surprise when he dropped trou and produced a completely normal, average-sized penis. It worked just fine too, by the way!

I’m sharing this story as a real-life example of a few things. 

  1. It’s probably not as small as you think. As demonstrated above, despite access to all sorts of porn, other dudes in the bathroom and locker room, or in his case, even a couple of brothers, this guy really and honestly believed he was smaller than average. This shows just how completely subjective this whole business of big dicks really is- most guys, after all, would be smaller when compared to Ron Jeremy for example. Just because your dick is smaller than all the dicks you’ve seen in porn, or even every dick you’ve seen in real life, does not mean that your next partner will think the same thing.
  2. If it is, own it. Confidence is sexy as fuck. When that guy was honest about his size, it took a lot of balls (pun intended). It honestly takes a lot of courage to open up to someone you don’t know very well about one of your biggest insecurities- and not just that, but own it. He was fully prepared to disappoint when it came to his size, but confident enough to make me cum all the more in spite of it. And that, gentlemen, is one of the hottest things to honestly ever happen to me. His swagger, #bigdickenergy,  and confidence in his foreplay and oral skills meant way more to me than the size of his equipment- and he made sure I knew it. This reminds me of my last point…
  3. Not all women (or men) want big dicks anyways. The pervasive stereotype is that bigger is always better, and it’s true many men and women prefer larger penises for sexual stimulation and arousal. But is bigger really always better? Let me share one more quick story, and I’m sure some of you will be able to relate to this one. 

There was this guy I was seeing in college for a while, and he was the complete package: smart, attractive, and kind, he also happened to be extremely well-endowed. All great on paper,  right? Wrong. The reality of it was he was so large, and so girthy, that in eight months we never actually completely had sex. Girls (and guys), that shit hurt just coming near me, and no amount of lube (or vaginal dilators) was going to help me handle that behemoth. He’s a lovely man, and we’re still friends today, but when push came to literal shove bigger was just not better for me. To this day he still has issues with his size making other women uncomfortable too, so the moral of the story is that maybe a horse cock just isn’t for everyone. 

Now, guys, these are absolutely anecdotal stories. In no way, shape, or form am I trying to speak on behalf of women (and men) everywhere that love dick. But that being said, I have been working in the sex toy and adult entertainment industry for quite some time now, and I can assure you all that in my experience, most men and women care much more about the heart behind the penis than the penis itself. Personality, enthusiasm, a great oral technique- guys, you have these and I could really care less about your johnson, and I know a vast majority of people feel the same. So take a breath, and focus on being you. If you’re struggling to get laid, looking for a relationship, or are worried you don’t compare to the stuff you see in online porn, I have just one simple bit of advice for you. 


Stop worrying, and start being you. If you’re still not convinced, I’ll leave you with a couple of tips for becoming a better lover, no matter your size.

Monica’s Tips for Being a Better Lover:

1. Listen to your partner.

Giving your partner some attention and affection at the end of a busy day is sometimes all it takes to remind you both how much you love each other.

2. Appreciate your partner. 

Work on building a strong relationship and support your partner as best you can. At the end of the day, the love and bond you share are more important than what’s in your pants, I promise. 

3. Watch Nina Hatley’s video on how to give good head

Watch video, practice, get good at giving head, repeat. 

4. Get familiar with sex toys, including penis extenders, pumps or other enhancement related toys

If you’re really committed to growing your girth to satisfy your partner, there are plenty of safe options available for you to try. Make it a game and experiment with your partner- there’s no reason this shouldn’t be a fun experience for you both as a couple! 

5. Do something to build up your own confidence. 

Go to the gym, get some new clothes or a haircut, or try out a new hobby. A happier, healthier you can have more stamina, look better, and feel better too! 

6. Invest in right-sized condoms. It makes a world of difference to us girls, and I’m sure it will feel much better for you too!

I’ll leave you all with this. Large or small, curved up or to the left, circumcised or uncut: all penises are beautiful. Remember that the next time you feel down about yourself, and if you have any questions, as always, feel free to Ask Monica. Until next time. 

Stay Fancy,