By this point, we’ve all heard the warnings, the statistics, the analysis and projections, and all of the gloom and doom. We all know we’re in for it: as of this writing, the COVID-19 pandemic has firmly taken hold in the United States, and it’s only a matter of time until we’re truly able to see the depth of the devastation and havoc this virus is wrecking on our country. Though times are challenging and frightening and through all the bad news, we’re continuing to see people stepping up and serving others by donating masks and food supplies, delivering food and medications for immunocompromised individuals, and adapting to what everyone is now calling the “new normal” by showing others love, support, and kindness. For those who have already done their part by donating to their local food bank, giving blood, or sewing masks for healthcare workers but still want to do their part to be a patriot, I have one other suggestion: fuck like bunnies.
Hold on, Monica! How does fucking like I’m a teenager again do anything to keep the elderly, the young, and the sick safe during this unprecedented global event? Well, allow me to explain. Here are three excellent reasons why fucking like you’ve never fucked before will help save lives.
- Flatten the curve by flattening your mattress.
All everyone is talking about these days is “flattening the curve.” Doctors, talking heads on the news, even celebrities are pleading with people to stay home in order to flatten the curve, and for those unfamiliar with the term, allow me to explain. In a pandemic, a virus or infectious disease spreads at a particular transmission rate. Unchecked, infections will increase exponentially and can overwhelm healthcare systems, like unfortunately happened in Italy during this current pandemic. By staying home and isolating yourself from contact with others, you are essentially removing yourself from the chain of transmission. This can effectively remove you, anyone you would have come into contact with, anyone they would have come into contact with, and so on from potentially and unknowingly passing along the virus.
What does this all mean for you? It means stay the fuck home, and what better way to stay occupied during a mandatory shelter in place order than by getting some much-needed sleep and sex with your partner. Let’s face it: with busy lives and even busier schedules, Americans (and especially married Americans) are having less sex than ever before. Take advantage of this time stuck at home and jump your partner’s bones a few times because according to the data, you both really need a good fuck.
- Be a part of the 9-month baby boom.
Many people are already heeding my above advice, which leads me to my second reason to stay home and screw: American’s aren’t having enough babies. See, there’s this little thing called a population replacement rate, which is basically what it sounds like. It’s the birthrate a country needs to replace itself and maintain the population, and in 2017, “the total fertility rate for the United States in was 1,765.5 per 1,000 women, which was 16% below what is considered the level needed for a population to replace itself: 2,100 births per 1,000 women, according to the report.”
This is bad news for America, but it doesn’t have to be. The quarantine has given couples across the country the rare opportunity to focus on what matters: making babies. Experts have already (rightly) predicted that in 9-10 months, the US is going to see a boom of “corona-babies,” so if you’ve been considering when to start your family, now may be the perfect time to toss out that birth control and start using your condoms as water balloons.
- What else could be more important?
The fact is, there’s plenty to keep us engaged while we’re all on self-quarantine. Many people are using this time as a chance to focus on creating art and music, finishing novels, picking up a new hobby or language or even starting a new exercise routine. All these things are great and very valuable for a happy and healthy life- but are any of these activities more important than fostering connection and intimacy with your partner?
Instead of looking at this time as a punishment or being “trapped inside,” instead think of it as an extended vacation at home- with all the perks to go with it. So lay in bed an extra 15 minutes with your partner, or take full advantage of the extra 2 hours your spouse doesn’t have to spend commuting to and from work. Take a bath together, exchange erotic massages, and spend the time you don’t normally have on the things that matter most because it will be gone before you know it.
Make the Most of It
What better way to make the most of your time at home than with Your Fancy’s help? How else will you get the sex games, toys, and apparel you need to bring your hot and heavy fantasies to reality? Remember- every time you fuck, you’re doing your part to help keep those around you safe from COVID-19. So do your duty for your country and your fellow countrymen, pull down those pants, and get fucking!